I Didn't Want To Go Through The Same Thing Again
In the end I could've made a different choice but because of my first birth experience me and my doctor made the plan for me to have a C-Section.
If you didn't read my post about being induced I'll recap the ending. My daughter was a freaking monster coming out of me and torn me open from vag to ass. Causing a 4th degree tear and a horrible recovery.
Before I left the hospital my doc came in and let me know for my second pregnancy I should probably have a c-section. Considering that second babies can be bigger than firsts and there's a good chance I'll rip like that again.
At first I thought well that's cool, the baby can take a sweet emergency exit and I won't have to do so much work.
I was pretty dumb.
When Baby #2 Happened
I didn't think much more about it until 4 years later when I became pregnant again. Then I kind of started freaking out. I searched "what it's like to have a c-section" and "is recovery of a c-section and 4th degree tear similar." Probably almost every night.
I read other mother's experiences but you have to feel it to know.
I hated being pregnant the second time around as much as I hated it the first time. I loved the pretty parts don't get me wrong. The flutters, the feeling the baby for the first time. But other than that I was still miserable.
By 35 1/2 weeks I wanted it to be over.
Until I thought it was.
My First Hospital Visit
I hate being that kind of person. The kind of person that runs to the hospital every time they think something is wrong or thinks they're in labor.
I hate it even more when the hospital staff treats me like I'm that person.
At my 35 week check up I was feeling a little uncomfortable down there (I had assumed it was his head pushing down) and I noticed that my urine was dark. (They check urine every week for protein) Come to find out I had blood in my urine. They just assumed that I had a bladder infection or a UTI.
They call in antibiotics and send us on our way.
I stop briefly Kohl's with my mom while she picks out clothes. I was sitting most of the time by the fitting room getting increasingly more uncomfortable. I did not feel pain at all up to this point. Then my mom had to stop at Wal-Mart.
I did not even get out of the car and while I was waiting it was getting increasingly more painful coming and going. Not in an evenly matter so I wasn't concerned yet. My back started spazzing then and I called the nurse at my OB just in case the UTI would affect me getting contractions.
Like they always say unless they are coming at regular intervals and increasing in pain they are not true labor. Also yes, the UTI could irritate my uterus and cause contractions so if they were regular to go to the hospital.
So yeah when my mom finally came out and I was crying in pain I made her take me to the hospital. They were coming regularly at that point.
I Wanted to Die
I have never in my life felt anything that painful. Not even birth. Not even the 4th degree tear or c-section recovery.
So when I walk in and get nothing but people acting like I'm over-exaggerating, it took everything in my body not to freak the fuck out.
Even now I'm getting angry thinking about it because I do not have a low pain threshold, at all. Once you've given birth all other pain is a tickle.
The nurse came in and told me that the doctor said that I shouldn't have gone shopping, that I should've went straight home to get on the antibiotics.
What. The. Fuck.
If I wasn't in so much pain I would of said something, but it was hard enough as it was to even concentrate.
They flushed me with an IV, I had to go pee a lot. They jump started me with antibiotics and ran a culture on my urine, the results wouldn't be ready until the next day.
Oh, and I was having contractions too. With this other kind of awful pain.
It Wasn't a UTI😡
Went in to see the nurse practitioner at my OB's office a few days later and my culture results were in.
I was negative for a UTI.
I was passing kidney stones at the hospital.
Kidney stones which have been compared to birth, if not worse.
Awful first experience but I did learn something. I was not ready to have the baby, yet. I wanted him to stay in there at least until my scheduled C-Section date.
Well that didn't happen.
My Second Hospital Visit
Remember how I said I hate being that person? God I was so embarrassed to be back in that hospital two weeks later.
But my intuition was right. Dead right.
I had felt funny the night before, anxious and my heart was racing. I couldn't breathe right. I didn't feel right.
Something in me thought I should go to my mother's the next day to use her at home blood pressure machine.
Lo and behold BP 140/90.
The exact point of when you should go to the hospital. I really didn't want to but I called the on-call doctor. She told me what I knew already, to come in.
I go in and my BP was getting increasingly worse, even with me laying down and trying to sleep. My beautiful nurse that night was so awesome. So supportive and understanding. So different from my first visit.
I still was not expecting it when she came in and said we were doing the C-Section tonight.
My husband dropped off our daughter with my mom and raced to the hospital. He looked so cute in them scrubs. Mmmm.
Anyway, they wheeled me in the surgery room. Poked me in the back. A-fucking-lot. He kept missing the spot. I was so irritated, it hurt like a bitch but I had to try to relax. Every time I tensed he had to restart.
The anesthesia finally gets done, my lower half goes numb. They lay me down and pin my arms on both sides like I'm freaking Jesus on the cross.
They have my husband come back in the room, and then the cutting starts.
I tried not to look.
There's this blue curtain that separates you from looking. But the overhead light causes a very good reflection of what's going on on the other side.
And it was nasty. The blood.
And I could feel the tugging and pulling.
So I started to get nauseous and like I was going to throw up and they gave me some meds and it went away immediately. I was still in a lot of pain even with the anesthesia so then they gave me morphine.
And then I was feeling pretty damn good not gonna lie. Maybe even a little buzzed.
Then it's all done and I hear his beautiful cry and they hold him over the curtain to show him to me like he's bloody Simba.
The Recovery
It was worse, it was way worse than a 4th degree. I could still feel the burning pain of my incision with the morphine still in me, not even 15 minutes later.
I couldn't move from my bed until 16 hours later. I tried and almost passed out from the pain. I couldn't adjust in my bed without help, I couldn't laugh, I couldn't cry or sneeze. Without wanting to cry.
When we got home I couldn't sleep, not just because we had a newborn, but because I had to try to sleep in a recliner. Slightly reclined. I couldn't sleep in my bed because my insides would feel like they were sloshing around and cause me serious pain. Riding in a car wasn't fun.
I couldn't shit because of the meds and it hurt too much when I tried because you have to use abdominal muscles to push. And my stomach had just been cut open.
So then I had constipation pain.
It just kept getting better.
Because I couldn't sleep for 5 days. I got really hysterical. I'm sure postpartum had something to do with it too but mainly lack of sleep.
Crying in pain. Laughing. Crying. Not Breathing. Crying. Laughing.
I thought it would never end.
The One Benefit
Even though the actual recovery pain was worse. The one and only benefit to a c-section was that it didn't last long. By two weeks I was feeling completely fine and mobile and sleeping much better.
The 4th degree tear took a whole 6 weeks of feeling like crap.
In Conclusion
Because I was 37 weeks I probably could of still tried to give birth naturally and be induced but because I wanted my tubes tied I still chose to have a C-Section that night.
In the end it's anyone's decision. Having a C-Section scared me but I was also scared of having my baby get stuck again. And in the end that wouldn't of happened because my baby was only 7 pounds.
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