Oh yeah because I really should only have one cup instead of going back for seconds. I know that if I have more than one I'll get really shaky and feel like shit. But fuck it. I'll heat up one more cup, it tastes amazing.
I've made excuses about not having enough time to write. Which is completely true and it isn't. I could and I should be cleaning my house. Instead of sitting on the floor, my ass falling asleep, and gently rocking the gliding recliner the baby is sleeping on. Also simultaneously popping the pacifier back into my two month old's mouth so he'll go back to sleep.
Probably shouldn't be letting him sleep on a recliner, I should pick him up and put him into his crib to nap. But I can guarantee he will wake up and start crying and want to be held. And then I will definitely not have the time to write this.
As parents we're constantly making concessions. Which is totally fine. We have to and honestly I'm happy to. Literally nothing in this world makes me happier than taking care of my kids. Helping them grow and learn. Every new thing they do makes me so excited and proud.
We also need to do what's best for us, to do something we truly enjoy. To be excited and proud for what we're doing.
POP. The pacifier had to go back in.
Finding something for just myself that I am passionate about is not an easy thing to do when you're a stay at home.
Interruptions are endless. The pacifier wasn't helping, he needed a diaper change. Now he's in the bouncer and I'm still on the floor to have better access.
Crazy enough I'm still writing this post. Hopefully this time around I'll continue to have the drive and determination to do what I need to stay sane. It's something we all need as stay at home care-givers. Something for just us that relieves the stress of the endless work load of staying at home.
So no I don't feel guilty about not putting him in his crib when he has to nap. Because this is easier and better for me. Even now when it has resorted to him being in my lap and I'm reaching over him to type. I'm squeezing in my time.
He's my second child and I remember what it was like with my daughter, my first. Feeling so pressured to do everything by the book. The guilt that comes with it if you make the tiniest concession for yourself. I'm sure a lot of first time parents feel that way. I felt especially like that because I was a young mom and already felt judged for being a mom at that age.
Don't do that to yourself. We are doing the hardest, no, the most impossible job in the world. It truly is impossible. We will never do anything completely right because it is based on our own experience. If you need affirmation read multiple blogs, everyone has a different story.
From my story and my perspective. Find your time. The best thing you can do for your baby is first love it, care for it, and care for yourself.
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